That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
