dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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