Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
