Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
