They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
