I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
