are you so shy because you have an std?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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