He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
