I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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