when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
‪He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life‬
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
