he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
