my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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