the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you didnt know i had herpes?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
