Three words: puerto rican gang bang
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
