i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
