People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
