very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
