if i died would you start the facebook group?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
