So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
just found out that she named her cat after me.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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