"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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