I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
