Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize