I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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