I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Randomize
