He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
