His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
