wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
