how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
