the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
