if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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