This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
