I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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