lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I have feelings that need drinking.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
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