My nipple is on Facebook.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
