Do you still have your period?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
