plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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