one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
