this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
