dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
