There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
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she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
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You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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