He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I deserve this hangover.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
