did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
