But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
