Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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