Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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