I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
