she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Randomize
