Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
