The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
