Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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