It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
