There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
porn star boner night. come get it.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Someone came in the potted fern
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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