and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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