at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
