Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
