pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
