Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You were trust falling into bushes
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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