So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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