I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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