So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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