Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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