I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
