my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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