Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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