man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
The adults are the big ones right?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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