i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
