I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
