you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
