i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
