I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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