Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
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Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
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6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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