in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
