Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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