i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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