I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
